- How does anxiety medication work? What Black women should know before we decide - November 29, 2025
- Why do I never feel good enough? What it really means—and how to heal - November 20, 2025
- Why do I always feel alone? Understand what’s happening and how to heal - November 14, 2025
Does it feel like grief? It might be. Learn how to get over a breakup by allowing time to understand and process this loss.
When a relationship ends, especially one you thought would last forever, it can feel like the floor has dropped out from under you.
The wounds can run deep, leaving you replaying memories, questioning everything, and wondering if you’ll ever find that love again.
Of course, you can heal after a relationship ends, but it may take time. This article helps lay the groundwork, showing you how to get over a breakup with intention, patience, and self-compassion—so you can come out stronger on the other side.
>> MORE: Let’s talk trust issues and how to (safely) let people in
Why breakups hurt so much
A breakup can trigger grief.1 No matter who called it off or how bad it got, letting go of someone who took up so much space in your life can bring a significant sense of loss.
Grief can be messy and complex. You may feel a mix of emotions—sadness, anger, relief, and even denial—sometimes all at once.
The pain and everything else you feel as you process the breakup are valid. You don’t have to downplay it, hide it, or cover it up. Masking the grief can leave you feeling alone, disconnected, unworthy, and depressed.2
How to get over a breakup—when you thought they were the one
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to letting go of a relationship, but these steps can help you make the journey a little gentler on yourself.
Allow time to grieve
Who says you need to “get over it” in a month, or even a year? It’s not a race. Give yourself permission to move at your own pace. You’ll have good and bad days—but they’re all part of the process.
Let the feelings out
Suppressing emotions only delays the healing.3 Find healthy ways to process your feelings. Journal, talk to a trusted friend or therapist, cry, or release it in prayer. And it’s okay if you need to do this often, even multiple times within the day.
Know your worth outside of the relationship
Your value doesn’t shrink just because someone else failed to see it. Remind yourself of who you are, including your strengths, values, and amazing qualities. This is the perfect time to reconnect with yourself and remember that your worth has nothing to do with your relationship status.4
>> MORE: 8 affirmations to remind you ‘you are enough’
Nurture your emotional needs
It takes courage to pay attention to and address what your mind and body need. If you want time with your bestie, a quiet night at home, or a good cry, listen to your body without judgment.
Reset your focus
Your mind may drift back to thinking of your ex or the breakup—that’s normal. When it happens, gently redirect your attention to things that build you up and bring you joy. Try new hobbies, classes, volunteering, or anything that reminds you life is rich and has a lot to offer.
Create some distance from your ex
It may sound harsh, but limit contact with your ex, at least initially. You’re reestablishing your identity without this person, and this requires space. Without it, your interactions can leave you longing for what was or confused about where you now stand. So go ahead, delete the number, unfollow their socials, and avoid hanging out.
>> MORE: Does social media cause depression? What you need to know
Rely on your circle
Lean on your friends, family, or even a support group for help processing those tough emotions. The right people can remind you of your worth and strength, especially on those days you forget. It’s okay to ask for help or a listening ear—therapy, by the way, can give you both.
Remember, the pain is temporary
A breakup—especially with someone you thought was your forever—can feel like it’s broken something inside you. But this pain is not a permanent state, and it’s not a reflection of your worth.
You are still whole, still worthy, and still capable of love. Start with the love you give yourself. Healing may take longer than you expected, and that’s okay. Every small step you take toward caring for your mind, body, and spirit is proof you’re moving forward.
>> Need more encouragement? Subscribe for weekly Love Your Mind Project emails
How to get over a breakup FAQs
How do you get over a breakup when you still love them?
You can love someone and still accept that the relationship is done. If you have strong feelings for your ex, try not to dwell on them. Feel them, yes, but allow yourself to let them go with time. Your priority is moving on as you nurture your healing and overall well-being.
What should you not do after a breakup?
Some things can make it harder to heal, like looking for closure from your ex or comparing yourself to their new partner. Rebound relationships, distractions that numb the pain, and total isolation can also keep you stuck in an unhealthy mental space. Even though it hurts, let yourself feel all of your emotions, without judging or suppressing them. Focus your time, energy, and thoughts on the people and things that uplift you.
Can you be friends with your ex?
While it’s possible, it’s not usually a good idea to remain friends with your ex right after a breakup. You generally need time to process, heal, and rediscover yourself outside of the relationship. Being friends too soon can delay the healing and cause more confusion and hurt.
How long does it take to get over someone?
There’s no set timeline for getting over a breakup. Each person goes through it at their own pace and in their own way. It could take months, or even years. What’s most important is tending to your needs, with patience and self-compassion.
References
- How to Deal with a Breakup or Divorce: Grieving a Relationship. (2018, November 3). HelpGuide.org. https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce ↩︎
- Clinic, C. (2025, May 12). Understanding the 5 Stages of Grief After a Breakup. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/stages-of-grief-breakup ↩︎
- Suppressing Emotions Can Harm You—Here’s What to Do Instead. (2022). Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-truth-about-exercise-addiction/202212/suppressing-emotions-can-harm-you-heres-what-to-do ↩︎
- Ackerman, C. E. (2018, November 6). What is Self-Worth & How Do We Build it? (Incl. Worksheets). PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/self-worth/ ↩︎